Wednesday, June 8, 2011

More bitter than sweet.

Yep. That's how ima feeling these days! Its been a myriad of things, in some ways i feel so secluded and alone, and in other ways im annoyed that im busy. this past weekend (friday thru monday) i worked, and as a nanny/sitter my job is not that strenuous but still, i ended up working like 25 hrs in 4 days, for a girl who hasnt been working much- thats alot!! so of course i had a lil pity party for myself, and to make things more icky, wilsons been working alot, he started training for a 2nd job, and this is the first job hes ever had where has a training for 2 weeks, 9-4 5 days a week, and then after that he goes to work.. so to say the least hes been cranky, tired and were not seeing each other. we're the annoying couple that does everything together, and i think that is why im feeling lonely and alone. hes been in a funk for a few days now, which is just crappy. apparently i  was snoring one night and so now he sleeps on the couch- how charming. i cant help it, the dr said its from the pregnancy and the way they baby is now i sleep with a dog or 2 in the bed, and i miss him.. i just feel like were growing apart at a time in our lives when we should be bonding and getting closer...  hes not sure if his main job is gonna work out, because the 2nd job is asking more of him, and so he went to talk to them and they werent sure..... i knew this would happen and feel annoyed and frustrated.. i told him this would happen and that the 2nd job isnt solid so dont burn all his bridges, but as a man who doesnt listen, he does the opposite and now- who knows where we're at... 
sitting at 34 1/2 weeks, insane.. we start our baby classes tonight, which will be exciting and im sure overwhelming at the same time. each wednesday night for the next 5 weeks!!!! then itll be time for bubble's arrival!!!.. i booked my moms ticket for july 6th, so thats good. one more thing done.. and then bubble can arrive any time after she is here... ive found my exercise routine is taking longer and happening less, i am in love with the couch- which is unlike me, but i just cant help it. it can be such a relief to sit down and just take it easy... im only going to work till 36 weeks for my one family, because they live 90 mins away and i dont wanna risk anything.. so thatll be 2 more mondays of work and im done.. after that is a friends wedding, summer school, & moms arrival.. so things will stay busy till babys arrival.. 
i wish i didnt feel so bitchy & negative.. all so often when people are like this i think "god, just stop it, life is amazing, be positive" but now here i am the crab... ive found myself crabby & kinda depressed, so im going to talk to the midwife about it on friday and see what she says, im thinking its just a rush of millions of hormones hitting me and my emotions are just all over the place.. 
time to get ready for the baby class, if only i could go in my cozy bathrobe.... 

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