Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Back to Reality

Vacation is over and now, its back to reality.. the trip to NY was good, quick and chaotic but good... I was able to see the family and have my shower.. mom and alice were excited and did lots of planning and executed a nice shower.. it can be a tricky balancing act between mom and alice, 2 different personalities that seem to clash often, and i felt in the middle... i know pegs out in left field and sometimes doesnt make sense, but then at the same time she means well and cares alot.. and alice at times can be sharp around the edges, and i just wanted to make everyone happy.. i was missing wilson lots, and he was so cute, missing me... he said this was the most hes ever really been sappy without me, made me feel good inside..
24 weeks is here, and the belly is popping out more.. went for our 6 month check up today, alls well. weight is adding on, im sure the calzones, icecream and junk i ate in ny didnt help.. she says im "rock solid" and on point for my weight gain, but still it bothers me inside to see the scale continually go up, anxiety comes in, and i get a lil nuts... i know that i can keeo going to the gym and watch what i eat, doing my best and in the end this is for bubble and its all gonna be ok... 
i find myself more emotional now than before, crying as i left my family, watching tv and yesterday when i deleted my paper by accident.. 
we were so blessed with all the goodies that people shared with us at the shower, bubble has soo soo many clothes already!!!.. alice got bubbles bedding, and a very cute carpet of a momma and baby elephant.. im getting exited to put the room together and were just trucking along with time... 
30 is sitting at my door, about to knock.. that should be interesting in itself.. insane how its gotten here!.. i still remember by 21st and 22nd bday like it was last year.. where does the time go?!.. 

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Lazy Days

Lazy Days is what Ive been having lately... TV time, naps, no gym, walking dogs or anything else.. 
I dunno what is coming over me, yes- i know pregnancy but still come on, give me a break!!.. how much can one being lay around... 
Happy to say that spring break is here!!!.... Ill be heading to NY on late tuesday night, ill get in on wednesday morning, alice will fly in a few hrs later and then the fun, busy times will begin!!. No major plans, just family time.. getting ready for the baby shower and catching up with some old friends.. its been ages since ive seen some of the people who will be at the shower.. my best friends mom will be there, to know she passed away 14 years ago and i rarely see her mom.. sometimes i feel awkward and bad, like here i am doing all the things her daughter never got to do, graduate high school, get married, college, and now a baby... but then again, its comforting to see her.. 
theres about 45 people that will be at the shower, thats alotta people, gonna have to be social and a good host.. which im unsure about..but exciting to celebrate the pregnancy.. 
speaking of pregnancy and baby; the other night i was laying next to wilson and he swore he felt the baby move, i was like youre crazy!.. you think you felt the baby move all the way through my stomach?!.. liar... well, he was right! the other day after a HUGE lunch, i was taking my nap and Bubble kicked my stomach so hard i could feel it through my stomach.. wow.. it was crazy..i love it, i put my hand down on my tummy so i can feel it more.. it doesnt happen tons, but i still love to know that Bubble is moving around... and has something to say. 
week 23 is here... insane to think that 17 weeks till Bubble is here; the time is gonna go by so fast, by the time i get back from NY itll be almost april! then my bday!.. 30... then the semester will be wrapping up, and then summer time.. which will be great.. and then Bubble.. Bubble time... : )
ive started to clean and organize the office room, were gonna switch rooms so that we can have the bigger room, w/ the baby and the smaller one-- will be for a spare room/ baby stuff.  i told wilson that id like to get alot of it done in april, before im too big or too tired to care.. 
ok, im getting tired... ill be hitting the hay soon!
its gonna be a busy few days... thursday will be wilson and my anniversary, and since im gonna be gone, i think that were gonna celebrate some on tuesday in SF and then he'll drop me off at the airport... i have no idea how to celebrate our anniversay, the big 6...and what i can give him, i  dunno what he wants...i need to do some brainstorming and think of a good idea.. 
ok, now its bed time.. 

Friday, March 11, 2011

When will I learn?!

Ok, you would think by age 29 I would know when I am hungry and when Im not... so yes, i was with some friends who had a burrito bar for dinner, I make myself a HUGE quesidilla with guacamole on it, and eat the whole damn thing.. GROSS... it seems to be a pattern of mine.. i did it today with oatmeal and then a bowl of yogurt... i mean i know that im not eating mc donalds every day, all day but still it makes me feel so gross... i begin not to like myself and feel uncomfortable.. i feel fat and unsure of myself. Sometimes i have these horrible thoughts, fatty girl thoughts, thoughts of purging and hatred and i know that is all wrong. im carrying a child and i cant do anything that can hurt this baby, i dont even want to have bad thoughts in my mind, cause i feel like they transpire to bubble and thats not good. i dont wanna have a baby that is like me; insecure filled with self dislike and have icky thoughts like i have. 
ive been feeling kinda down and hormonal lately, i was sick and feeling horrible all of yesterday; its like when i get a cold it really knocks me to the ground and i just cant do anything. i went to bed early the night before, and slept most of yesterday... i felt like wilson was being crabby and not loving on me.. i get so sulky and then i get mad, having a pitty party for myself ...and get truly annoyed with him... i get all these silly thoughts in my head, and they fester... ughhh....
on the other hand, i went and got my hair done today, i love seeing my hairdresser; she cracks me up and is so silly. she cut my hair much shorter than i planned and gave me bangs!! but i think i really like it.. well at least i like it...i wonder what wilson will say! i havent cut my hair in a few years, so itll be a change.. and im kinda disappointed that the color underneath hair couldnt go away.. its a copper color now.. i was wanting the whole thing to go blonde.. but what can ya do.. she said that itll prolly take another visit to get the whole things blonde again, but change is good. right?!.. 
im sad to think of posting this, prolly my most sulky post. but i guess like cant be roses all the time... until next time...

Sunday, March 6, 2011

I shouldn't be left alone!

Ohhh lordy! what a day, nothing major but i have to admit funny. 
wilson and i were at costco looking at random things we dont need (and the few things we do need, like a car seat!) when we got separated , nothing major.. except for the man that i thought was wilson!!.. i ended up walking next to the guy, rubbing his arm and then trying to hold his hand on the cart!!!!!!!!! Yes, folks. i am a blonde.. The guy was brownish like wilson, and had a green jacket on just like wilson.. c'mon give me a break!! wilson and other costco goers saw this... once i realized what happened, i couldnt stop laughing.. wilson was hysterical and people were staring at me-- i told bubba (thats my special name for wilson) this is why he cant leave me alone! we laughed the whole time we were at costco, lordy, i worry about myself.. im surprised i've made it to 29, with 30 knocking on my door.. week 21!! were now more than half way there, and in the teens of weeks until Bubble arrives... i found myself rubbing my stomach at church, getting emotional thinking about Bubble and that i can not wait to meet this lil love...he/she has really changed wilson and i already- and we cant wait for the future. it all seems so amazing. i went to a friends for dinner last night, they have a 2 week old baby, i love seeing him, looking at him and thinking that sooner than later i am going to have a lil lovely just like this in my arms.. i booked my ticket for NY, for my baby shower and to see my family. im very excited about it- as for close cousins, im the first one in the family.. my other cousins are 24 and 26 and dont have kids, i guess were the ones that wait.. so yeah, i think its an exciting time for my family, as i bring a baby into it... the FIRST not all white baby too-- haaahaaa. .. aunt karen calls it a mocha something baby.. no matter what, this baby will be amazing and beautiful. i look at wilsons pics as a baby, and he was adorable!!! i wasnt so bad either, so i think itll be a good combo!.. 
so yeah, my bestie and i arrive on the 23rd of march, and then the shower is on the 26th.. and we leave the 27th, a whorl-wind trip but will be great. ill get to see my great aunt.. spend time with her, and shes over the moon about the baby. i cant wait to see what she has made for Bubble. what ever it is that shes made, were  going to treasure it!!!!  
what else has really gone on?.. ohhyeah, we had our 20 week check up, saw new pics of Bubble, who was not being very photogenic! He/she had their face to my spine, so no face shots, and we had them not tell us the gender, and they didnt tell the Dr. either, which i like, allows for it to be a surprise for all of us. Dr.D said that everything seems to be going well, weight gain an 1lb! (Hollar!!) and babies heart beat is good at 160, and my tired symptoms are all very normal and within range.. a nap a day, im telling ya, its what i have to have or i feel like im dying.... speaking of nap, i took one, walked the puppies and here i am ready for bed.. i really need to go to the library, work on school work and then i was gonna hit the gym for a lil bit. ive been eating like MAD all week, and well i worry about my weight. im not psycho like i was in the beginning, but i still worry. im weighing myself each monday so i can keep myself on track, i dont really deny myself anything, but try to think about things before consuming them, like sugar, fat and if im really hungry or lying to myself. just to eat. ive had a harder time working out, i think my days of spinning are gone till Bubble is out, my <3 rate just gets outta control and wont come down and thats not good. so treadmill, eliptical, and weights is what it looks like its gonna be. boooooring. but what can i do?! as long as im exercising, when i dont, i find myself getting a lil depressed. and thats not good. 
ok, off this computer- gotta get organized for the week!.. xox