Moving forward and feeling stuck-

well, the good news is that i finished my first  year of grad school, and only 2 years left.. in the spectrum of life, the year went by pretty quick.. lots of hiccups and times i questioned if i wanted to be in the program, but all in all, its done with.. and if i can stick with it for another 2 years, ill have my masters and be able to have the jobs that i have often dreamed of, and hopefully we will be moving up to the bay area and starting a new kind of life.. one with our family and good jobs.. as well as living in the city!!!.. we miss the city life, in so many ways.. the ability to walk places, have different types of foods and just enjoy city life.. but anyways- yes. i need to keep that goal in my mind so that i can move forward thru school... so yeah- last night was my last night of class, all papers, projects & presentations have been completed, and i can enjoy my days, without having to go to class at 6pm.. i will be taking a summer class in july, to balance out my course load- thatll be interesting, as i will be about ready to pop!!.. ive already made plans with my professor so that when i have the baby, i can miss class & if need be- bring Bubble with me to class or have wilson or my mom bring Bubble in for a feeding.. 
it was my first day off, and it was a busy one!!.. tomorrow is my Cali baby shower..although my friend is throwing it for me & has done sooo soo much of the work, there were still some things to do today.. then i cleaned up the house a bit- as we will have a lil company over after the shower.. one of my best friends Weiling will spend the night, and her house is always clean and i hate feeling like i have to try to make the house nice and make things so i dont feel embarrassed... anyways, shes so cute & sweet.. she has booked us a spa day for sunday, she got me the prenatal massage and i am soo sooo looking forward to it.. back to the shower, itll be nice to see all these girls, i think theres about 30 coming!! some i havent seen in a long time.. but at the same time- i get anxious, i really feel weird being the center of attenetion and having to entertain people...
 i feel good for the most part, no complaints....except for my hips, groin & back...  i asked the dr. about the pain- its all normal and the baby is moving its way down, and the joints start getting loose.. woa!!!! 
so i had my 30 week check up, alls well... met with the 2nd midwife the other day, it was weird- shes mentioning about packing a bag & being ready.. and im like WOAH!!! wait up!!! im not ready!!.. how can this be?!... and i know shes talking about just being prepared and all that- but it seems too soon.  before i know it, Bubble will be out of my belly & into my arms...
wilsons found a new job, so things are looking up, but at the same time.. sometimes i wonder if my expectations or needs for what i want in wilson are too much.. i love him dearly, he is soo amazing and loving, but at the same time, i get so hurt when i dont see him changing...  who am i to tell him he has to change?.. its not my business to be airing his business, but i guess it does just affect me, and i worry about what life will be like... i only want the best for him and us... 
ok, time to rest & then hit the hay.. big, long day tomorrow!!