Im'a Trying....

Baaaaamm!! 32 weeks has come!!
 thats 8 months, with a very serious countdown happening now!!
went for our visit the other day, met with the last of the midwives, she was super nice, calm and made me feel much better.... i started crying, i worry about Bubble- as i look around i see all of these other pregnant woman who look bigger than i am, way more pregnant and i started thinking that i have done something to Bubble, making it so that he/she is not growing right.... all of my insecurities and issues had transferred into this baby..but that is not the case!!.. she told me that im measuring on track, and the baby even measures a lil big!!.. pheww!! so that was a relief, my tiredness is normal and to be expected and everything seems to be in order... ive been trying to pull a few things together for the babys room, found some of my old baby books & put them in the shelves, the jungle stickers are up on the wall near the changing table and it looks more baby like.. im trying to be productive, on whatever level i can.. im gonna start making a list of things that i would like to do and work on, and get to them when i can... made it to the gym today, but reality has hit me that i need a new swimsuit- but swimsuit shopping when your 8 months pregnant and self conscious is not a fun thing.. i feel gross, fat and like a whale.. all these articles tell me not to think like that, and embrace the baby and body change.. but it can be hard to do.  im trying to think good thoughts and sometimes i just wish that i would really look pregnant & not just fat.. cause in my eyes, i dont look 8 months pregnant.. ohh well.. not much i can do about that. 
so yeah, im trying to get to the gym when i can, do things around the house and in general so that i feel like i accomplish things and im not such a blob. 
wilson, is amazing, when i feel down and out he is there.. there with a smile, a hug or just tells me something that makes me smile and feel better. i feel so lucky & fortunate to have a husband like him to be with me though out life and this journey. Bubble (and future children) will be so lucky to have a dad like him... 
speaking of dads- i dont speak to mine, he was my rock and idol for years, but that hasnt been the case in a long, long time.. but anyways, lately i have been having feelings and thoughts about telling him that i am pregnant (hes the only family member that doesnt know!!).. ive written him a letter, yet to mail it, but i think the time is almost there. i guess once i send it, we will have to see where things go.... and how he responds and feels about this. being that i am his only biological child, this will be his only biological grandchild.. 
ok, time for some 4 cheese lasagna... yummmy!! its one of the only things i can make!!
night night!