here we go yo- so whats the scenario!

ohhmy.. 2011 is about to go to rest and 2012 here for the new year... looking back on this year has been quite insane... i was pregnant for more than half of 2011, met anderson and fell in love, had a new & different relationship with wilson, completed 2 more semesters of grad school- and here we are, 845 pm on the east coast... in 15 minutes, my east coast roots will be celebrating new years. i remember back in the "hay days"--- when i would be out with friends, having a blast welcoming the new year in, and this year i am on the couch, feet up, with a glass of $7/bottle champagne by my side.
life is what it is, i started doing weight watchers almost 2 weeks ago, this is making me happy and feeling like i am able to get more control of my life and take charge- i look forward to losing the baby weight that has been hanging on, as well as the weight that i gained over the past few years.. i had been doing really well on WW before i had my knee surgery a few years ago- once i had the surgery and couldnt hit the gym as frequent or as much.. so yes.. some of the ideas that i have for the new year, are that i wanna take time for me, starting to put my needs ahead, going to the gym, read magazines that i enjoy and just give myself some time once in a while. i am also going to look to ways to be more thrifty, and try 2nd hand shops, and also recycle our cans and bottles! i know they are silly, but these are things i wanna do.. and i wanna learn to take control of my own life, and make decisions that will be the best for me and my family!...
anderson is amazing, he had been sick for a few weeks and it was exhausting!!! he was unhappy, making it hard on us, but now hes back to normal and is so incredible.. he is growing by leaps and bounds, he has started to sit by himself, and doesnt fall over.. hes starting to play with block, loves his exersaucer and jumping up and down on it or our laps.. he will be 6 months on the 5th- thats great, because now he can go to the gym w/ us and stay at the daycare there and i can workout! yaaaaay!!...
my mom is here, and has been here for almost 2 weeks, its a good and bad thing, she can drive me nuts, we live in a small apt and so the place can feel cramped, she asks a million questions about everything and i feel like she asks the same questions over and over, but the good thing is that she is building a relationship with anderson, she takes him in the morning so i can sleep in, and is here to just help out...
ive been thinking about getting my hair cut and colored. going back to having pink highlights and then a shorter hair cut.. i feel like my hair is getting long and i am happy about that, but at the same time, i just put it in a ponytail or messy bun every day, so whats the point of that?..
ok, its almost 12!!!
here is to 2012!!!... cant wait to see what this coming year has in store!! <3

amazing

AAAAAMAZING BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel soo soo lucky... anderson is incredible. thank you god. 

life..

in so many ways life is amazing, i see anderson and i smile. the way he smiles and coos when he sees me is amazing, and i wouldnt trade it for anything, at the same time i find my (our) relationship with wilson way different. we have nothing to talk about, dont spend time together, he doesnt sleep in the bed with me (anderson and i wake him up), and i feel no connection. ive really been trying to have this connection, being he is the father of anderson and we are married, but the more i force it, the less i feel. we had a serious talk, and i let him know how i really feel, and promises were made (arent they always) and we started to see a couple from our church who work with alot of couples who are having a tough time. we went 2 times so far, and i felt hopeful... but then at the same time i felt like wilson was putting on a show, cause once we got home he was flustered that i had told our business to them. (how else are they gonna help??!!!!)  things are just like a rollercoaster and im not sure i can keep up, and that scares me on many levels...
i started back to the gym, which has been great, helping me feel alive and better about myself, so thats good. its just finding the time & energy, ya know?.. i really thought id be in better shape by now, i look at myself and get soo soo disgusted, but then i go and eat gross stuff, like a block of cheese or snickers icecream bars.. why?! who knows?!.. cause im an emotional eater, i guess.. i dont find myself hungry, but then i eat. i ear for a variety of reasons.. i wont be hungry but then i realize its been HOURS and hours since ive eaten,  so then i eat because they say thats important cause of the breastfeeding, and then there are times im Starving!!!! but overall i eat just to eat (gross!!) and this makes me hate myself more..
well, husbands on the couch sleeping - cause hes mad at me, and baby is asleep. i guess ill go to night-night land too... heres to hoping life gets better

time goes by too fast

Not sure the last time i wrote, i think it was the end of July.... and here we are in September... Holy Cow!!! Anderson is 2 months old, today he got his 2 month shots.. weighing in at 12.3lbs and 22.7 inches. he is GROWING!!!!!!!!! 
life is life, and its busy!!! i started school at the end of august and then my internship. so class is 2 to 3 nights a week and then the internship is 16hrs a week, plus homework, house stuff and Anderson!!eeek! thank goodness wilson is around and can help,. that too has been an adjustment, he went from having lots and lots of free time for himself (since i wasnt in school yet) to me really, really needing his help!! sometimes i think about leaving school, but thats not realistic. our housing is linked through the school and so if im not in school then we lose the house, which would not be cool, and i really think that this is the last of my schooling, a masters is enough for me.. i may look into another certification, to work in public schools, but i just dunno! so yeah, Anderson will be just under 2 when im done and thats ok.. then  will have lots and lots of time with him...
i have to admit that our relationship is way different now, and wilson was much different when i was pregnant and when i asked him about it, he said that "pregnancy is a vert delicate thing and i was fragile" well, what about now?!... so yeah, we have changed.. im in bed around 1030/11 most nights and thats around the time that he is coming home from work.. and then in the AM i wake up around 830 with the baby and he sleeps in, and so we're kinda on opposite schedules... and its been hard for us... 
my mom left in early august and so its really been on us to care for Anderson and really without help, yes we have great friends and support but we cant just call on them all the time for help.. 
my aunt & unlce came last saturday thru wednesday night and it was so great to see them, and they both have lost alotta weight and it was a really great incentive for me, i need to lose weight and be healthier in so many ways. wilson and i are trying to come up w/ a schedule so that i can hit the gym once in a while.. if i could go 3 days a week id be happy.. happy that im going  & happy with myself.. but sometimes im soo tired i just wanna be home, on the couch, taking it easy... 
ive been doing the math, if i try to get pregnant again in february, i will have baby #2 in late november, which would allow me to have some time off for winter break w/ the baby and to recover.. otherwise, ill wait till fall time of next year to try and then have the baby soon after i graduate in summer of 2013.. insane i know to think about having baby #2,but since the pregnancy is so long, ya gotta think of it... i mention it to wilson, but he doesnt say much.. i guess we have a lil time before we really talk about it and i need to see how things go here with us and anderson... i just know that i am 30.. and i would like to have 2 babies before im heading back into the work place after im done with school..... i gots some thinking to do!!! ok, well its waaay past my bed time.. and im going to work tomorrow.. first day back with my family (im a nanny)....its only 6 hrs and i get to take anderson with me.. so itll be an experience!!! im hoping to keep up with my blogging, so that i have an outlet.... 

Ohhmy!!

Not sure how to rotate this.. but first family picture. Anderson is 1 month old!

Where has the time gone?!!?!.. its been 3 weeks since ive written- not like anyone really reads this.. but its now mommyland!!!
Baby Anderson arrived on July 5th-- a very sweet, perfect baby boy!!! I was induced on that Sunday, July 3rd...and he came in to the world at 3:03 July 5th. It has been an amazing experience, and i am so blessed. My mom was able to come to to the hospital just 24 hours after he was born.. we were able to come home that thursday, and we have adjusted quite well.. ive been feeling  pretty good, i think that the adrenaline was holding me up for at least the first week, if not longer.. having to be up lots at night has been an adjustment and naps in the day have been crucial. 
i have to admit that i am soo soo on love with Anderson, he is amazing, sweet and just perfect.. i feel so blessed... 
i feel like im adjusting well, wilsons busy with work and we hate to see him go to work... we wish he could stay home and play with us all day.. the days go by so quick and i dont want him to miss anything... 
ive lost quite a bit of weight, around 25-27 lbs, out of the 37 i gained... not bad in 3 weeks,but my body is not the same... and im trying to be okay with it... i just birthed the most amazing baby boy, so its ok and i will get back in shape.. ive started to take short walks with the dogs, mom and anderson... but ill wait till 6 weeks or close to it to hit the gym.. i should really ramp up my walking and just get that exercise.... 
i went to the drs (reg dr) she said i can start exercising and watching what i eat now... im hoping to do WW soon and get back into eating better... i see pictures of me right before i had the baby and ohhhmgoooood!!! can you say WHALE?!?!... how could wilson let me outta the house ?!.. ughhhhh 


-- its taken me weeks to post this and write this... but i guess thats being a momma!!

Tic Toc Goes the Clock!!

Yep.. thats us.. the clock is ticking... i have been having some fluid leaking (tmi) and was just thinking it was part of pregnancy.... but in talking to our birth coach teacher she encouraged me to call the drs.. i did so and went in yesterday, to find out that my amniotic fluid had been leaking for a few days!!!!! Oooopps!.. so yeah, we had to come up with a plan.. im 2.5-3cms dilated, 70% effecaced and just kinda waiting it out.. the plan is that if my water doesnt break and i dont start constant contractions by tomorrow late morning, we need to head into the birthing center for some tests and most likely an induction.. the fluid is leaking and we cant keep waiting since bubble needs that fluid.. all kinda insane and scary.. the clock is moving and i feel stuck!!.. my mom doesnt come till tuesday late night, so i thought i had some time on my hands to clean the house, organize,  and just feel more ready, but thats not the case.. 
so tomorrow were gonna go to the early service at church, grab a nice big lunch and head into the birthing center. looks like itll just be wilson and myself.. no mom.. and thats ok, of course in many ways i want her with me, by my side to see this lil love enter the world, but theres nothing i can do about it.. imnot nervous, but i am.. im anxious thinking about what life is gonna be like, will i be able to bounce back?.. ive been watching the scale continually go up,  and now will i be able to see it go down? how long would it take?.. can i lose more?.. all these silly things i worry about.. 
i started summer class today- supposed to be 9-5... thankfully she let us out WAAAAAY early today.. which was fantastic.. and then we will see how the next month goes, im kinda asking alot of myself, a new born and a summer class all day.. but ill do what i can. 
ok, off to get motivated and pull last minute things together!!! i guess the next time i write, ill either be a mommy.. or waiting for the arrival of bubble!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

Exhaustion has set in....

Yesterday became 37 weeks... so Bubble is now "full term" and we have our weekly appt tomorrow, and we will see where we go from there... we will see if i have dilated more and what the plan of action is. Overnight bags are packed, sitting at the edge of the couch, and waiting to be taken w/ us.. we installed 1 of the baby carseats into my car (the main car bubble will be in), we need to take it to the police station to make sure that it is installed correctly- all in all, i think we're doing well on this timeline... 
Ive been trying to keep up on things, and not let the house completely fall apart... It was a busy weekend, we had Cassies wedding and so that took up most of friday and then saturday.. it was nice, wilson and i havent seen each other much, and so when we were at the wedding eating lunch, it was like we were in our own world, on a date... we talked about life, plans for the next few days and such, like noone was there.. the one thing i wish the wedding has, was music for dancing.. i love dancing with wilson and wished we had time to dance.. like i mentioned, i havent been able to see much of wilson, the 2 jobs are keep him busy and it drives me nuts.. i am used to his old job, about 25hrs a week, and lots of time to play together!!! today is his only day off, poop. we've made plans to have some photos done tonight of us, as the pregnancy shots... i wish i looked differently pregnant, but cant do anything about it.. i was able to obtain my pre-pregnancy weight, and according to the drs office, ive gained 33lbs.. in someways, i dont feel like i look like ive gained that much.. but then ill see pictures of me, and im like holy shit!.. i look like a cow!... not impressed... one of my friends had a baby about 3 weeks ago and of course she looks like she NEVER even had a baby, and although i can want that, i feel like im not that lucky, but i sure will try.... 
my left arm is starting to go numb, my mom said it happened to her too.. the mammory glads are getting full and can cause circulation problems.. and speaking of circulation.. my feet are looking sexxxxxxy... got me some kankles.. yummy..  but in the end, we will have a lil sweet baby in my arms and it will be well worth it.. 
i cant wait. ok, off to rest.. because i get so tired, even after just running a few errands..